Sitting in the quiet of my mind and focusing on my peace has mellowed me out and settled my anxiety. It wasn’t someone else, it was me. I stopped and saw an issue, I felt that I wasn’t coping and so I stopped.
Unfortunately I don’t have the luxury right now of full days of silence. But I do get enough time in the mornings and evenings to stop and just let everything flow through me. Allowing myself to truly feel how I’m feeling. No filters, just raw emotion. Let the tears flow, let the laughter flow and just be. As I took the time to sit still with my thoughts and feel I found the things that created the anxiety I have been struggling with and I have begun taking the steps to move away from those things. One step at a time. One day at a time. I find that with each little step I take I feel a little better. Every day I feel lighter, with each moment I take for myself and each positive step I take towards a life that feels fulfilling and not empty. Filling the emptiness with FAITH. Filling my empty spaces with my CREATOR. Taking the time to connect spiritually to everything that I am and everything that I am not I leave to GOD. Focusing only on what I CAN control and letting go of what I cant. One step at a time, one day at a time.
I had to realise that I put too much pressure on myself. I needed to ease up on the pressure to be perfect. The pressure to perform. The pressure to succeed. Allowing fear to take over when things did not go according to the plan that I laid out for myself. I see now, that everything will come to be in its time. I have to focus on what’s in front of me and use what I have. I need to stop freaking out about what I don’t have yet and what I feel like I should have.
So I’m in a place now where I allow myself to sit still in the quietness of my mind. Focusing on the peace that I worked so hard to be rooted in. Remembering that nothing can shake me if I stick to my roots. Because the foundation that I have laid is a solid foundation. As I sit and breathe through the chaos surrounding me, I have found myself home again. I have truly been lost for a little while, not too long but even a week feels like a month and a month feels like a year when you in the space of uncertainty and helplessness.
I am happy to be home, home within myself. I am happy that I have found myself back in a peaceful space and I am happy to have found JOY again. Allowing myself to be joyful, allowing myself to laugh and allowing myself to be happy. I know I have a journey ahead of me, but how I take that journey is up to me.
Love and light.