I wanted to write about this because I have noticed it recently and just feel its time to talk about it. I see so many people that have lost themselves in their relationships. Their happiness is now solely sourced from their relationship with their chosen partners. I was thinking… this is a lot of pressure on a relationship and on the other person in the relationship to be solely responsible for the upkeep of their partners emotional well being.

As a single mother I know the pressure that comes with being the only one responsible for the upkeep of a human being and it is a lot. So much sometimes that I feel like I am going to explode. Imagine having the responsibility of an adults emotional happiness outside of your own? Handling my own emotional well being takes up so much of my time already, because in order to maintain a balance I have to continuously take care of my needs, my desires, my wants, my balance, my adventures and my dreams. This is what brings me happiness, knowing myself and living life the best way I know how. Finding new things about myself every day, sharing myself with people in different ways. This is healthy happiness. Happiness from inside of me, happiness that grows every time I do something for myself or for others that lights up the fire in my soul.

Sharing my happiness with others brings me even more joy. When you have people that are equally joyful and they hang out with you and the combination is just magical. You leave the experience feeling uplifted and with high energy. Now imagine doing all this work for yourself and then sharing it with someone that does not contribute to the energy but instead takes it from you. Imagine finding yourself in a relationship or a friendship where if you don’t do certain things for them then they feel like they have no value. And their happiness is solely dependant on your actions! Any sane person can read this and understand that it is unhealthy!

However, if you have no self worth then you won’t have this information. In order to understand this concept of true happiness you have to have self worth. You have to have boundaries in place and not allow people to use you and abuse you. You also have to understand that your happiness is your responsibility not someone else’s. I know you can get caught up in the romantic notion of the flow of energy and when someone shares their energy with you it feels good and you want to hold onto it and then when they remove it, you want to reach out and keep it flowing. But if someone removes their energy from your space you have to respect that and understand that just like you have things to do, so do other people and just like you need space when you are overwhelmed so do other people. You never have to force a genuine relationship, but you do have to respect the time and boundaries of other people, especially if you expect them to respect your time and boundaries.

Relationships are definitely a give and take, you will both have a turn at giving and taking, but there has to be a balance and a clear understanding that the happiness of each individual is up to that individual and nobody else. If you find that you are unhappy or confused in a relationship or even a friendship you have to take a step back, which requires space, and look at what it is about you that is creating this unhappiness or confusion. Why are you reacting a certain way to your friend/partners behaviour. Especially because we cannot control another person, we can only control ourselves and our choices. We can choose to discuss our feelings yes, but it is still their choice to do what is right for them as you will always choose the best thing for yourself.

Sometimes we forget that focusing on living our best lives is the healthiest way to maintain relationships and friendships. Instead of fixating on a person, fixate on yourself and you will find that everything happens naturally and flows easily that way. People are naturally drawn to positive passionate people, who know what they want and know where they are going. Who have dreams and goals and who are willing to do the work to get there.

My happiness comes from within and I choose to share myself with people that enhance the glow inside my soul. Don’t let people suck the life out of you, instead understand your boundaries and make them clear, because you cannot give what you do not have. And if you let someone suck the life and joy out of you then how are you going to give life and joy to others?

Live your life aware, yes ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is the key to everything!

Tammy