Why I do this

I have this idea in my head that scares the life out of me. Its been there for as long as I can remember, it keeps growing and has now rooted itself in my core. Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is put on my shoulders trying to push me to free this part of me and unleash it on the world, but the fear of … well… everything seems to stop me dead in my tracks every time. I’m so afraid that I will succeed that I don’t even want to try most times. Have you ever heard of the saying ” to whom much is given, much is required?” every tiny step of growth requires so much responsibility, it can become freakishly scary! Right? So much more is always required of me in all aspects of my life with every step I take that it can become overwhelming if you don’t have a proper strategy in place. In the blink of an eye everything can fall to pieces. Failure is not an option when it comes to the lives of others, and when the responsibility of broken souls falls in your lot, then the risks are even higher. Lets face it, I’m not a psychologist, so why me? I mean who do I think I am? Right? This is a challenge not only for me but for everyone who tries anything, because at some point one will always have that feeling of inadequacy. In the spirit of this I have tried to bury myself, my gifts, my life. It seems though that no matter how hard I try, I will always come out. Who am I fooling anyway, by not being who I was born to be? Putting things into perspective is in me, finding solutions for my challenges, is in me, being empathetic and kind is in me. The more I try to run away from me, the more I find myself in situations that require this side of me to come out. People will find me, situations will appear and before I even realize it, I’ve jumped right in there, doing what I do, before I can even stop myself. Lets be real, I’m not special, I’m just Tammy, a broken little girl grown into a woman who feels very deeply for others because of the pain I’ve had to endure. In that moment of pain, the world stops and all you experience is an indescribable, excruciating and seemingly unbearable level of emotional pain that nobody can save you from, but yourself.

I wish I could remove all emotional pain and trauma from the world because from there roots all the pain and suffering that surrounds us today. But of course, I cant do that. Its impossible. However, what I can do is share myself with the world, my story, my experiences, so that you can see how difficult pain is to overcome, yet so very possible. So that you can see that you are not alone in this world of injustice and fear. I want to you to see that if you do the work, even through your fears, that the reward is just as indescribable as that pain you once felt. That there is a ” light at the end of the tunnel” but only if you have the courage to walk through “the valley of the shadow of darkness”. Loneliness is a feeling we create when we isolate ourselves from the world. The world is not isolating you, its all you. You are not alone, I am not alone, we have each other, a union of brothers and sisters in life and if we choose to share ourselves and continue the path that many have already embarked on in embracing light rather than darkness, in sharing ourselves rather than hiding, then we are one step closer to finding our reason, our purpose, our happiness. Isn’t that what we are all looking for in the end?

I write this blog in the spirit of sharing, not only words but feelings too. I write for freedom, not only mine, but possibly yours too.  If my perspective can in any way make a positive change to even one person, if it can make the difference to one life, if it can erase the feeling of loneliness and separation , just for you, then I am satisfied that my efforts have not been in vain. Then I have succeeded because every life matters and is worth all the effort in my world to save. My world is all I have to give to you, I have taken the steps to save my own life and now through this blog as a first step I am ready to share my journey with you and together we can create an experience of peace, love, light and joy.

TL Murphy

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