Mental Health is something that many people struggle with nowadays. I believe it stems from our internal belief systems that have become so distorted compared to what they were before. What I mean is we place value on everything that is of no value and we seem to place little to no value of what really is valuable.
I myself am struggling with this on a daily basis. I seem to be in and out of a feeling of belief in myself and having no faith in my choices at all. This seems to stem from my deeply rooted need for the approval of others. As we know when you lack emotional security you reach for anything that will fill the holes and replace what’s missing wherever we can. Most of the time we look in the wrong places.
Financial stability plays a major role in my confidence. I find that when I have a difficult time financially I have a difficult time emotionally and spiritually. It’s almost as if I have this sense of my value being tied to what I have and do not have. Comparing myself to others cripples me.
Theoretically I know that my value is not based on physical things and that my path is separate from those of others and so I should not compare. Yet no matter how much I fight it, there is something deeply rooted in me that holds me back and I am searching for it so I can pull it out forever to free myself from this very toxic belief and habit of feeling less than because I have not reached the vision I have for myself.
In fact the further I feel away from it the more despondent I become. So what is the solution for me? How do I fight this battle? I’m surrounded by sharks in an ocean that is filled with so much beauty and no matter what I seem to do do they keep circling and closing me in. keeping me from that world of love and beauty.
I see the importance of my tribe in this type of situation, because I cannot fight this battle alone, but I seem to have isolated myself for such a long time that my tribe is distant and my world seems lonely. I’m doing less and less of the things that I love and am forced to do more and more that I hate because I feel like I have to hold onto what I have accomplished so far. The problem is, I’m drowning in this isolated world surrounded by these sharks that have cornered me and placed me where they want me and I don’t know how to escape without completely derailing everything I’ve built.
Does this mean I am lost? No. I know exactly where I am. I have still got the fire inside of me, I still have my goals in mind. I’m just being blocked by these annoying sharks that just seem to be focused on keeping me from growing further. I’m frustrated and I don’t have the tools to free myself as yet. But rest assured I am a fighter and I will find tools and learn skills to get myself out of this cage created by others to keep me in a box that serves them.
I’m fighting for my life here, but writing to you makes me feel free again, and reminds me of why I’m fighting. I appreciate you all being here and I love sharing myself with you.
Never give up, no matter how difficult your situation may become. It’s not always financial, sometimes its emotional and sometimes it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. Never ever give up. I certainly will fight until I find a way to set myself free.
Love and Light