My life, my mistakes

Finding my way has proven to be tougher than the toughest experiences I’ve had so far. It seems like searching for my authenticity and my own voice without the clouded opinions and expectations of others is not for the feint hearted. People tend to force their preferences onto you and use any tools necessary to get their own way. Once you choose differently to them they tend to discourage you in every way possible and fill your mind with fear, negativity and some will go as far as gaslighting you calling you stupid or selfish for wanting to follow your own path. They tend to highlight everything that is wrong with your path and overcoming that fear of failure that they create for you, that fear of disappointing them and what the consequences will be is not easy to overcome. Especially if your value is placed on the acceptance of others.

Knowing the importance of standing your ground and actually doing it are two different things. Belief in yourself is easily shattered by the agendas of people around you. They don’t really care what your consequences are. They only care what they want and that their agendas are easily accomplished.

What I have learnt over the many years of my life is that even when it feels like you are getting nowhere, you are always taking steps in the right direction, especially if you choose to ignore the noise and push yourself in the direction that speaks loudly in your heart. Underneath all that fear that tries desperately to cloud your judgement. They are trying to break you down, they are trying to break me down, but I will not break. They are trying to make it seem like I have no choice, but I always have a choice. They want me to blindly follow, but I walk my own path and I do not give in to bullies even if it means I lose everything. I will not allow them to get what they want out of me at the expense of myself. I am not a puppet. I have fought too long and hard to let narcissistic bullies dictate to me what my life should look like. I am blessed to have people around me that surround me with love and understanding. I am blessed to have them look out for me and when I am weak and question myself, they remind me of who I am and most importantly of whose I am.

My strength is not a physical one. Its a spiritual one and I have the greatest backup of all time. So I will walk my path with my head held high. I will speak the truth and I will not waiver, because the truth even though hard to swallow sometimes is the only way to walk a path free from the deception and darkness that comes with lies.

I know I am not perfect. I know that I will stumble and fall. Sometimes I will walk the wrong path. But I will make my own mistakes and learn from them, I will not repeat the mistakes of my past and I will not allow others to force me into new ones.

Yes the world is a challenging place, but I choose to focus on the light that shines on me and I choose to draw my strength from there. My life. My choice. Your life. Your choice. So choose wisely.

Love and light

Tammy

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