I was exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. No matter how much sleep I had I was not rested. No matter how much I stopped overthinking, or tried to focus on relaxing my mind, or took my attention off too much mental stimulation, resting my mind from work, from strategizing and from planning. I was was still tired. I realised that it wasn’t only my mind and my body that needed rest, but my soul too!

I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My heart and soul was tired.

I can now understand how that would happen. Especially if you spend your life doing everything within your power for everyone around you and emptying yourself completely without ever having the chance to be filled up again. Without allowing the people around you who fill you up to give you the love that you need to fill those emotional tanks you empty out every single day, to do just that, fill you up. I was running on empty emotionally without even realizing it. I thought I needed more rest, more sleep , more me time. That wasn’t the case.

What I really needed was to surround myself with love. With people who put effort and energy into loving me, with friends and family that make an effort to invest in our relationship. I needed to find rest in the people who catch me when I fall and just allow them take care of me for a little while. No judgements, no expectations, no requirements. Just me. Where I am enough, even when I have nothing to offer.

I needed to allow myself to lean a little more on those that are waiting for me to lean on them with open arms and allow myself to just let others take care of me, even if it is just for a moment. I was tired because I have had alot going on this year, work, life, home has been stressful and I had been isolating myself (which initially was much needed) in order to reset my focus and to minimize distractions. Yet in the end my isolation became a year long hiding place, and an excuse for me to avoid living up to my full potential and actually enjoying my life.

Yes I did need to take time to focus, and then jump right into life again. That’s not what happened. Instead I chose isolation and used the distraction of others as an excuse to stay focused and burnt out as a result from Emotional exhaustion. A result of carrying the emotional burdens of myself and others alone, and not finding a place for my own emotions to rest and offload.

Time alone is the best. I admit that I get sucked into it and it flies by so quickly, but being alone is a completely different story and especially choosing to be alone when you have a circle of love around you waiting for you to turn around and acknowledge them. I needed to allow the people who open their hearts and embrace me, to catch me just for a moment, so I could rest too.

Don’t set a trap of isolation in the pretense of being busy, or needing to breathe. Isolation in long periods of time becomes a very lonely, stressful place.

We are not built to be alone for too long. Our minds need stimulation, our hearts need love and we really are better beings when we are together. Once again the key is moderation. Taking the time to be quiet, to focus and to plan, to learn, to read, to evaluate your life and to see what needs to change or what needs to grow, and then get back into it. Get back into living, laughing and crying with others, because that for me is the reward needed for the hard work that I have put into everything.

The uncontrollable laughter with family, the dancing in the living room and singing in the car. The hugs, the kisses and the secret handshakes. Isolating from these moments will surely exhaust you and the only place to rest is right back in the moments of love that we cherish.

For the longest time I thought I was ill. I thought my Iron was low, I thought my thyroid was playing up again. I looked for the root of my daily tiredness in possible physical ailments. There was nothing wrong wrong with me physically. All I needed was to laugh, to sing, to cry it out in the arms of a loved one and to trust someone else with myself, just for a moment.

Love and light.

Tammy – Lynn Murphy