The more light the sun shines on the world, the more shadows will form and as the sun moves through the sky so too do the shadows. When the sun is at its highest point, the shadows are at their weakest point.

Why did I write this? Well, because it describes how I feel right now. Nothing stands still, everything is ever moving, everchanging. As the sun moves across the sky, the shadows grow in size, shrink in size and even change direction. Their existence is dependent on the position of the sun and the sun isn’t even moving, it just appears to be moving. The huge rock we happen to be on is the thing that’s moving. What’s my point? Just because something appears to be a certain way, does not mean it is. What looks like its moving can be standing still and in fact everything around that stationary item is moving. Have you ever felt like you were moving in a stationary car? All because the car next to you moved? You jump because everything inside you feels like you are moving? This happens to me sometimes and I get the fright of my life because I’m driving and I know I’m not moving , but still my body reacts involuntarily with fright.

I feel like no matter how much light shines on the world, the shadows will always come out to play, I feel like no matter how much good there is in the world the bad will always come out to play. Sometimes the good outshines the bad, sometimes the bad outshines the good. Sometimes it feels like there is a complete absence of light and like darkness surrounds the world, but this is never true. No matter how dark it may appear, light is never completely absent? Right? Why is that though? Well, when the sun ‘goes down’ and night falls, there are other means of light reflecting through the sky, in the form of the moon and stars. I don’t know too much about astrology but I do know that the light we receive from the moon is merely a reflection of the suns light, because the moon does not generate light. It is a reflector.

I feel like no matter how much I give, there will always be people choosing to take, but I have to keep giving anyway. I feel like no matter how good a person is, there is always some degree of bad in them, they just don’t feed into that whisper in them. And vice versa. I realise how hopeless it is to even try to control anything outside of yourself, because controlling even just yourself sometimes is ridiculously difficult. And its only your actions that you can control anyway, where you go, what you say, what you do, how you feel, what you think. All controllable right? You can’t control your need to breathe, that’s not on you, you don’t breathe you die. You don’t really get to decide what your body needs to survive, it’s already been decided, no water equals dehydration and death. So air and water are the basic necessities to life. I think I’m having a brain spasm, because life is happening around me and its out of my control. People are in pain and it’s out of my control. People close to me are suffering and it’s out of my control.

Here I am, doing my best to shine light on the world, but the shadows are still overpowering the world around me, and all I can do is keep living my truth, keep practicing what I preach, keep pushing for growth. I have to keep trying to get to the peak of the light so that these shadows can be minimalized. I look around me and I’m surrounded by pain and suffering, not only in my family but my friends and their families too. Then I turn the TV on and all I see is pain and suffering. It’s no wonder I don’t bother turning on the tv anymore.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t watch unhappy movies anymore, because if I’m going to spend my time looking at a tv screen it might as well leave me in a positive space not dark and empty. I can control that at least. The reality is, when I turn the TV off the world is still in chaos, people are losing their dam minds and I’m in the middle of a storm trying to not be uprooted by the wind, trying to hold onto everything that I can hold onto that’s solid. Thank God that I have laid a solid foundation now and uprooting me isn’t going to be as easy at it was before. Thank God that even though the shadows will come, they wont stay forever and thank God that nothing stays the same and no matter how bad a situation may seem.

Right now, I just thank God for holding the fort for me when I was too weak to. I thank the creator for creating cycles and movement and not allowing things to be stagnant for too long without dying. I’m really grateful that these dam shadows are not creating themselves and they are not able to move freely without attachments, which means they can be dealt with. You must be thinking “this girls lost her mind” But things haven’t been clearer to me. I see that life is not supposed to be easy, we are supposed to fight for what we believe in, for what’s right. We are supposed to shine our light in all the dark corners and even if there are still shadows it doesn’t matter because the light still overpowers them.

What’s my point? Well. Stop being afraid of the shadows aka challenges in your life, they will not last forever. Morning will come and the sun will rise. No matter how bad things may seem, and sometimes they seem like a proper episode of doom and gloom, but the important thing is to hold onto what you know for sure, and that is, the sun will rise everyday and with each new day you have a brand new chance to try again, to start again, to rise again and to move things around so that the shadows have no show and position yourself in a place that minimizes your shadows and maximizes your light.

Remember that being completely authentic will come with the shadows in the form of “the opinions of others”. There will always be someone that is uncomfortable with the choices that you make. So if you going to walk through the valley of the shadow of death (Pslam23) then fearing evil would be the worst thing to do because that will not be a pleasant walk at all. So fear no evil, because you are not alone, you are not stuck and you certainly do not have to stay down in the valley. Keep walking, keep moving and keep pushing yourself to grow and to flourish no matter how many valleys you have to walk through and how many shadows you have to face, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you don’t stop moving.

A friend of mine once told me that where a bright light shines darkness surely follows… but never stop shining out of fear because your light will always overcome the shadows.

Love and light

Tammy