It’s really rewarding to see the fruits of your efforts. I don’t want to say of my labour, because I don’t really feel like it’s been laboursome when I’m doing what I love. In this instance, the fruit of my life is the growth and enlightenment I see in others. I love seeing a person grow into themselves especially when I know they have put in lots of time speaking love into their hearts and sometimes found insight through my writing, or my podcasting and for those in my life personally that get the face to face conversations. My reward is seeing the lightbulb moments switch on and then watching the changes being made, whether I played a part or not in the process, success stories are my joy.
I am not a counsellor, or a psychologist I haven’t been to school for these things. The only school I went to was that of life. Life schooled me to the point of no return. I cant look back now, nor do I want to. I am who I am. I love who I am and I’m going to continue the journey set out for me.
A few years back I listened to a message that made something switch on in my mind. When I heard a message saying how we are so eager to learn about everyone around us, but we don’t even know ourselves. That message hit me like a ton of bricks. I realised the truth in this statement because I saw it in myself. At this time I had already begun my journey of self discovery and I was well on my way. but to understand the depth of this statement for the first time was just mind blowing.
It’s amazing how we can hear something over and over again but it will just pass us by. Until you start laying down your foundation and you start building from your core then you hear that same message and everything changes. You see the fireworks display in your mind as everything falls into place before your very eyes. Nobody can force that on you. It will only sink in when it’s your time to truly hear the message and when you are ready for change.
I love learning about myself, I also hate it at the same time, because it really sucks when it’s time to get vulnerable about your pain and actually embrace the pain to heal. I call it my onion layers of healing, because just when I think I’m all good we get deeper and it opens up another set of insecurities that I have to face and heal and dare to overcome. You can only really heal pain that you are aware of, and sometimes shit lays so deep in the darkest corners of your being that it’s comfortably buried underneath all the rubble that you have been throwing on top of it over the years to protect yourself, and once you start cleaning up one messy item at a time, some things begin to surface that even the toughest of people would prefer not to face.
I have learnt though, that my strength is in my vulnerability. When I am willing to learn about my insecurities, discover why, where, who, and what, then forgive myself and whoever else played their parts in the damage that was done, then throw that dirt away. I must let go, I have to put it down, because have been carrying so much around with me, it’s no wonder I was so tired all the time. The weight of the world was literally on my shoulders. I worried about what everybody thought, what they would say, how they would feel. It was so tiring and sometimes because of old habits I seem to fall back into that pattern when it comes to those close to me, but not for too long because I always realise in the end that I have to live my life with my own set of rules not somebody elses.
I learnt this because I learnt myself, and in the process of studying the art of Tammy, I discovered that I rather like me. I’m pretty cool, most of the time at least. I love spreading the message of self love, self acknowledgement and self care. Remembering that in order to love yourself you have to know yourself, and in order to know yourself you have to dig deep into the core of you and face every dark corner that exists in your essence and fill that space with love for yourself and light from your maker. It sounds like a whole lot of mumbo jumbo to many, but to me, it’s what saved my life. Literally. I learned who I was and I didn’t like that person, so I changed her and I filled her up with love and I mended her broken heart and healed her broken spirit and reminded her of who she truly is, the original me, the one before the world had a go at me. Now that little girl has grown into a woman and is on the path to the freedom that she envisions in her soul. Freedom from the past, freedom from the opinions of others and freedom from the ghosts that haunted her most of her life.
I get to share what I know, because the rule is when you know better you must do better and once you know how you must share it with others so they too can know how.
So now I follow the footsteps of my inner peace and I let them lead the way, because I know that my peace will never lead me astray.
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Love and light