The Scary Unknown

I totally get why people like to stay in their bubbles of comfort. It’s safe in there, for real. I have personal experience on the safety of the comfort bubble. It has been my companion for most of my life. When you are in it, its warm and cozy and it just feels like you are better off in there and whatever else is happening outside of it is just not necessary.

Think about it. Who actually wants to experience discomfort? I have always looked at people doing things I deemed crazy and just written them off as crazy. Because in my bubble was so safe and sane and it was the only way I knew how. I mean, I saw a few things that got my curiosity up and I would peek outside for a moment, but immediately get my ass back in the bubble because shoo its a crazy world out there. You may be reading this and thinking, this chick is the crazy one, and I don’t blame you if you do because you probably came from a world with minimum challenges and you were most likely protected and raised to see the world as an opportunity and full of possibilities… pretty much like how I’m raising my kid right now, and that is so great for you, because the world is your playground and you can achieve all your dreams so keep pushing and keep shining. But this piece of writing is not for you. This is for those people that have been so badly broken in their lives that a bubble is a must, it’s a matter of survival, its literally life and death. I’m writing this for you. because you deserve to know the truth, you deserve to know that your bubble is holding you back from so many possibilities. I’m writing this because I need to tell you that I know you are afraid of what’s outside your bubble, I also know that it takes so much courage to even take the smallest step out, but I want to encourage you to try. That all you need to do is try, because there are so many wonders in your life that you are going to miss, because you are afraid, because there is so much joy that you will not feel because of your fear and because there is so much love out there that you cant see or feel because your bubble is keeping it out.

I know what you are thinking. I’m not in a bubble, I’m just realistic right? Or, I’m just like this! Or, I’m just born this way! Or, I’m just not a courageous person, I prefer to play it safe. Playing it safe is just a way to remain in control of your surroundings and control is just a way to keep yourself safe from the unknown. It’s a defense mechanism that I still fight with today. Control. The reality is that we really don’t have control of anything outside of ourselves. we think we have everything ‘under control’ but you never really do. you are just at the mercy of the world and in any moment what you think you have under control can change in an instant.

So lets talk about that bubble that you probably don’t even know you are in. You know when you were a kid and you used to laugh and run freely without any reservation. I do. I was a brave little thing, holding snakes, jumping off rocks into the pools, climbing trees, and even being on stage dancing ballet. It was a blast, but as I grew my confidence declined, and understandably so. Being molested as a child even if it was by a young person (teenager) can have that effect on your confidence. Having to endure your family splitting up can have that effect on a child, having your innocence taken away at such a young age does things to your mind that builds walls around your mind and so your bubble forms. Any trauma, both huge or small creates barriers between you and freedom. Every time something bad happens to a child, a barrier is formed, they become reluctant and fearful of things that they once were not fearful of and before they know it they are grown into adults that live in a bubble of protection in the form of reluctance and control. We become fearful of pain and so protect ourselves from feeling it the best way we know how as kids. The problem there is that we hold onto these things even into adulthood and they hold us back from truly living life to the fullest and understandably so. Because life is scary and fear is a real thing. Its a natural instinct, we are born with the instinct to survive and going into the world where danger lurks goes against our survival instincts. Yet human beings are more than just our instincts. We have more than just survival in us we are creators, we are dreamers, we are just not created to barely survive. That’s why we have that feeling inside of us that makes us uncomfortable or that makes us feel like somethings missing. Because we are not built just to survive, we are explorers, artists and we have intelligence.

Look, I am not an expert and I can only speak from my personal experience but when I hear something I don’t really understand but its interesting, I listen. I listen to learn. I listen to understand. I don’t shut down concepts simply because they are not in my bubble anymore. I use to be a very closed minded person. Only because it served me and it protected me in my youth. It’s safer for a child to follow, because a child is still learning and growing. But once that child becomes an adult it’s important that the child learns to question teachings, ask why and understand why they do the things they do from their own understanding not because they were told to do so.

An abusive bubble is one where all you know is abuse so you feel safer in that cycle even though you don’t actually want to be abused. But it’s all you know and you do what you are told because you know that if you don’t trouble will come. Many people stay in this bubble because they are afraid for their lives. They know that people are living outside of emotional or physical abuse but abuse victims decide that its not their path, that they deserve the fate they have landed and they do what they need to in order to stay alive. Peeping out of an abusive bubble is dangerous because your abuser needs you to be in the bubble in order to keep control over you. Yes seeking help is a risk, yes educating yourself is a risk, but so is waking up in a dangerous situation that can explode at any point in time. Why do you choose to risk your life in captivity when you can choose to risk your life for freedom instead. This is an extreme example of a negative bubble that some people live in. But it can apply to any aspect of life. Children of divorced kids live in a protective bubble too, my bubble was ‘marriage is useless’ and I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. So at 41, I am unmarried due to choices made in order to stay “safe from the pain” I obviously no lo longer live in this mindset, and embrace love now, but in order to illustrate how damaging holding yourself back can be it must be shared.

We choose the behavior we know over anything new. It’s human nature. The reason I am here today though is because ever since I chose to risk my comfort, expose my fears for what they are and face them, the rewards have been endless. Freedom comes in many packages and breaking free of the closed minded walls that I built around myself as a child, I have learnt how to laugh again, but not just a superficial laugh, but truly feel joy that comes from my core. I have learnt how to explore and to face the things I fear one at a time starting with the small fears and building my way up to the bigger ones. I have discovered that those big scary boardrooms aren’t as scary as I thought, and the people in them are just like you and I. I have learnt that my dreams are not something to fear, because they make me who I am and I should fight for them, I should pursue them. The vision I have for myself is worth every minute of my time. Ever since I left my bubble, my tower of fear, even the air I breathe seems lighter, the world I see looks brighter and the people around me are no longer limiting factors.

The scary unknown is not so scary anymore because the more I put myself out there and face the unknown, the more I learn about myself and the more I realise that its only unknown because I haven’t tried it yet. It just a new experience and once I give it a go, it will just be another check off the things I have tried and whether I succeed or not well that irrelevant, because the thing that are for me will be for me and those that are for others will be for them. I’m not going to be good at everything, but, bit by bit I unlock the secrets of the world by facing them, I unlock the secrets of my mind by opening them and allowing them the freedom to come out of the corners they have been hiding in out of fear. I see life unfolding as each day goes by and I see my life unlocking in front of me, like the booby traps in those lost treasure movies or the keys that unlock the secrets of the lost treasures. once you open the key to your mind and it starts unlocking itself, your possibilities are endless, your limitations are few and the world become an experience each day instead of a trap that holds you back. So be brave, find the courage and unlock the secrets of your mind, of your power, of your dreams and then work your ass of every day to find the keys that open the doors to your dreams.

You are worth it, the risk is worth it and fear is just trying to enslave you with its own agenda and let me tell you that the chains will only get heavier as the days go by and it will get harder and harder to face the longer you stay in that bubble.

You must break free. You must find freedom. You must live.

Love and Light

Tammy

The link to My peeping light podcast on this blogpost: https://iono.fm/e/1089907