I live in a country full of passion, vibrance and beauty. She holds so much value not only on her land but in her people. My country, the land of South Africa. She has laughed, she has sung, she has wept and she has been broken, but her strength never seems to amaze me. South Africa, you beauty. You are mother to a rainbow nation, you nurture us and love us with everything that you are.

You never seem to hold a grudge, do you? When they came from foreign lands and took advantage of you and your people, you smiled with all of your beauty and made it through. But then they stole from you, and took your precious stones, your riches and even your people for themselves and still you smiled on them. Your people have fought for you, some battles they have won and some they have lost, but they never go down without a fight do they.

How sad you must have been, as you watched the brokenness of your people destroy what they themselves have built. How empty must their hearts be to destroy so many livelihoods, how broken are their souls that they needed to break the souls of others.

I watched as our people battled with themselves, they fought themselves, nobody else, they hurt themselves. My heart felt empty too as I locked myself in my home, to keep safe and listened to the explosions around me as the buildings were set alight and I listened to gunshots rippling through the air as if they were firecrackers. All I could do was lock the doors and pray.

The last week I saw how broken my people really are. All of them, every last colour of the rainbow in our nation. When they felt threatened I saw their brokenness. Their weakness came to light, their hearts were exposed and their fears were shown to the world. First there was an outpour of unity, but as it got darker and more dangerous, division became apparent. Protect our own they said. When food was threatened they closed off their roads to outsiders, and even though it didn’t last too long, I saw your hearts my people. I know you now, I know who I live amongst, I saw your hearts go dark in times of crisis. You looted from the looters, you stole stolen goods, you hurt in the name of helping, and yes, you did help. You protected your neighbourhoods with everything that you had, I say this proudly, but too many stories of greed found their way to my ears and you took your position of protection and turned it into something that I all of a sudden wasn’t so proud of anymore. The sad part is, the darkness of a few have tainted the light of everyone else.

I saw how broken our people really are, underneath the proud faces that walk the streets, underneath the masks that we see, I saw their true selves as their greatest fears came to light. When they had the option to choose good or evil. The few that chose evil took away from those that chose good. My heart is broken. Even as I watch the communities come together, to clean up the mess that was made. To rebuild what has been destroyed. My heart remains broken. because now that the masks are back on we go on as normal. Clean up the mess keep pushing on. Pushing the brokenness into the darkest corners of ourselves again.

When will we ever heal? When will we see ourselves as one? Truly see ourselves as one Nation, and not just for the world to see but truly in our hearts. I am all nations and when I talk about my people I mean EVERY LAST PERSON. Not only those that mean something to me, but every last South African. Every single life is worthy of life. There is no life that deserves what I had witnessed last week, what I have heard and what I have seen. I watched my hometown burn down in flames, I felt my heart break for everyone. I felt afraid for myself, for my loved ones, for those that are caught in the crossfire, for those innocents that could not protect themselves, for those that were creating the chaos too. I felt afraid for them, because what does their future hold? What were their lives like that they had nothing to lose in doing this. How broken are our people Lord, that they have resorted to destroying their own land.

She hurts as her people hurt, she cries as her people cry, South Africa is bleeding through the hearts of her people, but she is strong and she will rise once again because her strength lies in the roots of her land and not the shallowness of the passers by that created this destruction with their wicked ideas and their greed. They didn’t know how how strong she was, they thought she would bow down in fear, but not this land, not our land, not our people. The light will shine through this dark phase. Love will break barriers and heal our hearts. Because we strive for unity and equality, we may have a long way to go, but we will get there, because we know that we are stronger together than we are apart. We know that we are a land filled with courage and fire in our hearts, and we are a land that may be broken right now, but will heal once again and will get up from our knees and we will stand tall once again, with our heads held high, our hearts will beat together as we take one day at a time to fill the void that has been created in the soul of our Country. Together we will overcome the pain in our hearts, and we will heal the brokenness one heart at a time, one life at a time. Remembering that no life is worthless and every beating heart deserves to live.

Thank you all for being here, its been a tough time and slowly things are getting back to normal, but what isn’t back to normal is the the fear and anxiety that lives in our hearts now, and that will take some time to heal. For everyone.

Love and light

Tammy – Lynn Murphy