What the Heart Desires

It’s so important to have a dream. Something that you look forward to in your fututre. Something to motivate your days. A vision, a wish, a goal.

I have said many times that I was once a person that was sleepwalking through life. I was so numb with pain and negativity that I didn’t even think about a possible bright future. I mean obviously deep down in my core I heard that tiny whisper that reminded me sometimes that there had to be more. But life was just so hopeless back then, so dark.

When I was young I always dreamt of what my life would look like. It was filled with hopes and dreams of all things beautiful and free. However as time went by and life began to slowly unravel itself to me, bit by bit I lost sight of that dream. The pain thrown at me over time seemed to kick that vision out of me completely. All I saw for the longest time was that I had no other choice but to live in the dark and hide away from everything that shines a light on me. I didn’t want to be seen, because I felt that if I was seen then they would know all the deep dark things that stirred inside of me. My shame kept me in check. It kept me in the dark. It kept me from living… For way too long.

It took a long time, but I have finally found my dream again. Its changed alot, its bigger and brigher now, but I now have the tools that will get me to my vision. The tools that are helping me to undo everthing negative that the past has created in me. Have you noticed though, how the people around you often knock down your ideas or your plans. Not all of them but the ones they cant relate to or dont understand. those people that try to make themselves better by causing you pain or that try to make improvement to their lives by draagging your life down. I’ve noticed this many times in my own journey.

When I started reading self help books over 15 years ago, the comments were mostly negative from the people around me. “Why are you reading that? It’s just a bunch of nonsense”or “those books cant help you”or “they tricking you into spending your money”or they give you false dreams. I get it though. Now at least, but back then all it did was trigger my insecurities and slow down my growth, because alot of the time I chose to believe them. Little did I know, that with each book that I read a seed of hope was planted, and even if I didn’t persue or practice those things that were suggested, that seed was still planted. No matter what was said to me I always found my way back to a book that created growth in me. Psychological growth, emotional growth, and even in some cases physical growth. Now, here I am, full steam ahead, Leading a life filled with love, hope, light and joy. I finally believe in myself and in my dreams. I finally see how far I have come from where I used to be.

The darkness has lost this fight, because love has finally found my life. Not a love that comes from the outside, but one that fills me up from inside. Now I see what I can be, now I know how I can grow. Now I’ve changed the way I live, into a life that wants to grow, give, nourish and thrive. This path has never been easy, I was challenged at every turn, but every step I took towards a brighter lighter future was one that lead me to where I am today. I am blessed with everything I need, I have built a solid foundation on which I have begun building my vision. It will take take time but when I see how the little steps of progress have turned into great accomplishments and the little steps that looked like nothing before finally have started to form a picture that was created by my hard work, my tears, my courage and my strangth.

I truly wish you would finally begin to plant your seeds. So that your life can grow, into all those dreams that up until now you hadn’t dared to acknowledge out of fear.

Life your life filled with vision, dream up all of your hearts desires and fill your mind with hope for everything you wish you could be. This is my wish for you.

Love and light

Tammy

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