Why Are we Puppets

I took the time for myself this weekend, to fill my mind with new information and to just learn new things about everything thats life. As I always am on a path to mastering myself, it seems I go off path regularly and I know it’s because it takes consistency for the tools that I have to actually work. I know this.

In 2017 I left the office Job that I worked at, not because I was unhappy, I loved the people I worked with and I loved the company I worked for. It was because I had outgrown the Job that I chose to leave. My mind could not find any more stimulation. I had exhausted all of my options at the time, I was doing so much more than just “my job” and I was doing doing more because I had to, I did it because I wanted to. It inspired me, it kept my mind busy, I was learning and I was always moving forward. Until stagnancy settled in again, but this time there was nothing else to find, nowhere else to search and so I made one of the most difficult choices one could make and I left. Not because I was unhappy, not because I hated anyone… It was because I loved myself and I knew I needed more.

So I left, with the intention of finding myself, mastering myself and doing more of what I loved. I started a blog, as one of the tasks required for me to find my voice. I wrote more , I started a book, I listened to talks and did some courses until life sucked me in again… the savings started running out, I had no income and so I had to get myself back into what I knew in order to pay my bills and feed my child. One year later I found myself in another office, a different office, different people, different building, same cage I was in before. But this time there was no option, I needed the money. I didn’t know how to make it outside of this environment at this point. It was all I knew, nobody had taught me how to do it any other way.

It wasn’t long before I moved to the next journey, the next challenge and this time it was exciting, it was more on the lines of what I had been looking for, asking for, where I was growing and I was challenged. Fast forward 3 years later, it’s like the universe has decided to shake it up again because after this weekend, after reawakening something already inside of me that I let go dormant again due to fear, has been disturbed. Normally a disturbance is annoying. This time it didn’t annoy me at all, because it reminded me that if I’m not growing ‘Im shrinking and so I took action and decided to be more proactive in my own growth process in order to accelerate and move forward.

My lightbulb moment happened when the thing that I need to do, that I want to do is being disrupted by something thatI’ive contracted myself into doing. A job. It’s funny how when you have made decisions for yourself, when someone tells you that you can’t do that thing, because you have to do another for them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s my job and I have contracted myself to play a role. The thing that got me is that for the first time in a very long time, I felt like someones elses puppet. I saw how I have literally given someone else the control of my time and they get to decide what I should be doing with my day. Not because they are wrong, not because they are being mean, but because because that’s what I said I would do, that’s what I signed up for. Thats what I thought was necessary in order to survive.

So now my greatest mission, is to free myself, from the past choices I have made for myself and look to newer current choices. I always say that when you know better you have to do better because I learnt it along the way on my journey of self discovery. Now that this lighbulb has awoken in me a desire for freedom to choose what I will do with the time allocated to my life and not to hand over my power to others for them to decide what I should and should not be doing. My path is clear. My vision is clear. All I can do is create a plan and strategise on the way forward, the way to freedom, the journey to myself. Finding the scissor I’ll use to cut the strings that others hold over the life that I am supposed to be living not them. its going to be interesting, because I’m diving into the unknown again and I have no clue what I will find. I trust my process though, I trust my source, I trust my internal compass and I trust that no matter what everything will always lead me to where I’m supposed to. Its time to start cutting off some strings.

Wish me luck πŸ˜…

While Im off chasing a dream I wish for all you to live your lives in freedom. Find your way back to yourself. Dont give others power over you and live your own life. While you are doing that have a listen to my podcast on https://anchor.fm/my-peeping-light I promise you it’s my heart on my sleeve. You wont regret it. 😁

Light and love

Tammy