The Centre of it all

So much goes through my mind on a daily basis, and in the centre of it all what does it all mean really?

Why does my mind wonder off into the sunset so often, drifting away with the wind as it blows, searching for the meaning of it all. I often wonder where this will go, where I will go and where life will lead me. Then I wonder why. I know I need to reign it in a bit and just deal with today. Which is how I live mostly , dealing with today. But I can’t help but wonder as I watch a sunrise or a sunset, or when the full moon shines brightly in the sky making it’s presence known… Why am I here? Where am I going? How do I fit into this marvel of nature that I witness everyday?

If you think about it, none of it makes sense. We are born, we live then we die. As does every living thing. Why? Whats the purpose of it all? I have so many questions, as do we all, I know, but today the questions are louder. Why am I here? What does this world need from me and how do I find my way to that place?

I can’t watch a sunrise and not believe in new beginnings, or a sunset and not unserstand that everything must end. The amazing thing though is that no matter what I choose to do or not do, that sun will find its’ way to the sky tomorrow and forever more. Nothing I do will ever change that.

I watched the birds in my garden this morning, going about their business at the crack of dawn. Full of energy and life, not lazing about like me still trying to find the energy to live. I watched the sky put on one of her greatest shows this morning filling this earth with the most angelic glowing golden light, declaring to us all that the new day is here.

But what do I do with this beauty that surrounds me? Do I get my kid ready to go to school where she will miss out on all the wonders that this world has to offer and then make my way to an office where I am hidden from all the things that make us feel alive. covered by the 4 walls, the ocean but a block away, so close but so far? Am I meant to live this life that I have been given to pay these bills that I can’t avoid even if I want to? How much am I actually sacrificing in the name of what so called success supposedly looks like? More importantly, how did I get here? To this place where life is nothing but a shell of what you have been told is true. I know, I have so much more than most, I am blessed with comfort and employment in some of the most difficult times our country and our world has seen in a long time. So why do I feel like I should be out there doing more. Why do I feel like at the centre of my being there is this need to be free. Free to live, to love, to help, and to just follow what my natural being wants to do.

when I look to the sky and what do I see, I see love and light pouring down on me. Then why do I feel led so astray, when even the heavens have opened to show me the way.

Love and light

Tammy