Healthy boundaries

Having the theory in your mind doesn’t mean that you know what you are doing. I have lots of theoretical explanations and methods to overcome all sorts of challenges that I face on a daily basis. The reality of the situation though is that if you do not make the time to do the work everyday until the tools are a part of your mental muscle memory ( that’s what I’m calling it) then, when difficulties arise you will always default to your old way of thinking and doing. This is my experience. Once the situation settles and I have time to think about it, every single way I could have dealt with the situation better comes to mind. I am learning to not feel pressured into responding without processing properly, even if it means taking a breath, and just allowing myself to put everything into perspective quickly before I respond. I am also getting accustomed to remaining silent and sometimes choosing to stay that way because feeling pressured into anything is just not healthy and you always have the choice to say no.

I’m writing about this because I recently found myself in a compromising situation which I would have usually just responded badly to and then beat myself up about it afterwards. Instead I chose to remain calm and walk away from the negative situation and not engage. I have come to understand that walking away doesn’t always have to be done in a negative manner, simply saying that now is not the time for this discussion is sufficient to excuse yourself and not offending someone. You can always offer an alternative time to have a proper talk where both parties have given the subject a decent amount of consideration and speak with clear open minds.

I used to be a people pleaser. It was difficult for me to say no to those close to me, but now I realise that sometimes my no is required to keep my self respect in tact. If you allow the world to take everything from you, it will. You have to have boundaries and respect for yourself. It’s not easy to get out of the victim mindset, even if you do have the tools, because without practice you find yourself feeling used and abused anyway and you can still default into your old ways. Working on your mindset is an everyday practice, its not something you can do once and forget. Even if you have a lightbulb moment you have to write it down and continuously remind yourself and meditate on it until it becomes your new normal.

I have a long way to go, I admit… but looking back at where I used to be, I am so proud of the improvements that i have made so far. I really have come a long way in the direction of healing and positivity. My negative mindset is practically none existent and my vision for the future is so much brighter now than it used to be. That is something worth celebrating and I plan to make a point of celebrating even the smallest accomplishments, because I am worth it.

Peace and love

Tammy

19 comments

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