It’s women’s month and at the beginning of this month everything was sunshine and happiness, but as the month went by it became lots of rain for me. Life has taken a difficult turn and all because that what life does. It goes up and down and its how we deal with the storms that determines whether we grow from it or die because of it.
As a women going through a storm I still have to wake up every morning and get my kid to school, I still have to wear a smile on my face when she’s home because I am her everything and if I don’t smile then neither does she. As a woman I still have to feed my family and cook meals with love and share those meals with warmth.
I cannot sulk about the storm that i’m in, but I can feel it when I am alone, but as a woman when do I get to be alone? I have to get on with a job that requires my strength because I’ve chosen to be a woman that makes a difference and people look to me for strength, even when I am not strong.
As my storm roars on I have to look inside of me to find the peace that I have rooted in myself over the years and I have to remember that if I stand tall this too shall pass. As a woman I have to ignore my hormones creating chaos in my mind and my body because people depend on me to carry on even though I’m in pain.
Being a woman has proven to be a most difficult thing, but so rewarding at the same time because even though I cried my eyes out when I was alone and felt pain because life knocked me down, I got up and carried on and my child can curl herself on my lap even though she is almost the size of me to look for comfort. She senses somethings up and so curls next to me when I sleep so I’m not alone. She doesn’t know what exactly is wrong but she senses that there’s something and as a woman I have to protect her from my pain. One day she will be a woman and have to endure similar pain and if I can spare her of that for as long as I can I most certainly will.
As a woman I have to breath because losing my mind is not an option , but when I do crack and lose my mind every now and then, because the storm became to heavy for me to stand tall, I get judged because I’m not supposed to lose control.
As a woman I’m forced to behave a certain way because if I don’t I get labelled, as a mother I am forced to behave a certain way because if I dont I am letting a little person down. I have to show up for everything even if my heart is broken and I have enjoy every moment of it because if I dont then I am labelled as sour.
In the event that my emotions do take over I am treated as if I am crazy because im supposed to keep that shit under control, but as a woman I love more and I do more and its inevitable that my strength will break down every once in a while.
As a woman I have to be very careful who I let into my heart because if I’m not I end up being hurt and then blamed for reacting, I get labeled as typical and it makes me feel, just for a moment typical. But here’s the thing I am a woman, I’m soft and fragile even though you see strength outside, inside I am pure love. When you break my trust and my heart you break me, because when I love I love with my everything.
As a woman I have to be tough but gentle. I have to be wise and live with that wisdom and if I make a mistake I’m punished for it more than anyone because how can a woman behave in that way. I get attacked for expressing myself , because self expression is not smiled upon if it negatively affects others.
As a woman I have to face other woman who look to destroy me and take from me instead of build men up. I have to face men who wish to take from me until they have enough and then leave me empty. Through all of this I am meant to compose myself and smile. So when you see the sadness in my eyes but a smile on my face know that everything is not ok, but as a woman my sadness is only for myself, because if I let you see it then I might break down in tears and most cannot handle that. you just want happiness and sunshine.
The thing is, I’m proud to be a woman, because even though I may have more challenges than most I also have more rewards than most. I get to love like a woman, feel like a woman and I get give life and no man can do that. As a woman even though it’s not an easy task I get to make my home a home, and I get to embrace womanhood in all of its glory.
And to everyone that frowns upon me when I make mistakes, shame on you because you will never know that path I have walked and how far I have come. How being a woman means so much gets taken away and I still stand tall and smile at you because love is where I am rooted.
I am proud to be a woman, because without me there is no you.