It’s easy to sit on the outside and watch in making comments about what people should and should not be doing. The real test is when you are faced with the same situations and if you take your own advice, or do you cower away. I never write about things I have not experienced for myself, or just how I see a possible path to be the most likely one for me. I couldn’t possibly be throwing information into the world about experiences I have not yet had. That being said I would like to say that it’s easier said than done. Life is tough, these lessons are tough and the solutions are not going to come easily. You have to actively want to make the changes and find the answers for there to be any hope.

It’s not easy to have difficult conversations with people, especially if we love them, and sometimes choosing to ignore a problem seems like the better option. I wish someone taught me healthy self expression at a younger age. It would have made my life so much easier. Learning how to express myself in a healthy way has become my greatest blessing. Communicating with those I care about regarding both positive and negative feelings have created a path of peace for me. It still makes some members of my family a little uncomfortable though and I’m also still selective with who gets to know my true feelings and who doesn’t. I still maintain that NOT EVERYBODY deserves certain parts of you. But those people that do get to see the real me, the ones that get the inside scoop to my diary version, those are the ones I reserve for intimate conversations. You may only fit on one hand, but I don’t believe I need to expose myself to everyone, only those that genuinley are there. Real life requires real conversations. If they leave because you have a conversation, you are better off without them, friendships, family and romantic relationships. You should be able to express yourself with your inner circle and they should be able to equally share with you too, without anybody running away. Lifetime friendships/relationships are reserved for those that are willing to stick through both the good and the bad times. Those are the relationships worth keeping.

I used to be afraid to share how I really felt with people close to me because I was afraid they would leave. The fear of them leaving literally paralized me to silence. Healing that wound and finding the root of the problem was vital, it has allowed me the freedom of expressing myself and my concerns and also accepting that those who leave have chosen to do so out of their own and it has no reflection on who I am as a person. I need to remember that when I am unhappy in situations I too have left them, and so I should allow others to do the same without me placing my happiness or well being on their shoulders. It’s so sad how childhood experiences get carried into our adult choices without us even realising it. It’s also easy to blame those childhood experiences for every bad or negative experience. As adults, it’s our responsibility to heal the wounds that hold us back and to push ourselves past our fears. We can never live a full life in the shadows of our past. Finding solutions and accepting help from others with regards to your emotional growth is so important.

Nothing lasts forever, people change, things are not meant to stay the same. Embracing change is one of the most important lessons I have learnt and not holding on to things or people because nothing and nobody actually belongs to me. In the end, when my life transitions to its next phase, I will leave everything here, with the living, so why hold on so tightly.

Let go, and be free.

Tammy

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