I had no intention to write today, Mondays seem to have become the day I post on here especially since my inspiration has been low and my energy has been out of balance. Today I was scrolling through facebook and i realised so much is happenning around me, its my brothers birthday, my nephews no longer look like babies they are teenagers now, my friends are facing emotions I never thought they would face because they seem so together, some people that were close to me seem so far away now and then people that were far away have pulled themselves closer, people are dying, mothers are crying, others are celebrating life, travelling the world, dancing to their hearts content, the homeless guy of the corner that I greet and chat to every day when I stopped at his traffic light wasnt there today and I missed that smile and short conversation we have every morning.
So as I’m scrolling through facebook, literally looking at everyone elses lives, smiling at the accomplishments and feeling heartsore for those that have difficulties ahead of them, I decided to stop scrolling and take a short account of my life, to evaluate why I have cucooned myself in this protective bubble I find myself in when everyone else is out there clawing at everything to live, fighting to survive and here I am, complacent because something inside of me stopped fueling my fire. It was inside of me that the bubble formed, that I decided I’m safe here and I wont step out too much more, that I’ve pushed enough now and its time to stop. But look at the guy who stands at that traffic light every single day fighting to survive, and the man who I saw washing his face on the road because one of the pipes had burst and it was his ”gap” to get clean and feel fresh, he grabbed at the opportunity. He didn’t care that people could see, he cared that there was water and he could wash. Why am I so afraid to be who I am consisitently, to do what I need to do when the opportunity arises? When I know that its up to me to push, to fight and to create my own opportunities. The world offers me so much, doors are opened all the time, I knowso many people who would give their everything to be exposed to as much as I am exposed to, in both my working life and my personal life. Why am I not pushing more, why am I so afraid of success? Because its literally knocking on my door screaming for me to let it in???
Today as I sit here, I realise that everything I haven’t been doing, is not because I can’t do it, or because I dont know how, it’s because I’m afraid that once I do, theres no turning back and I’m terrified that I wont be ready; because to transition from being just someone who follows and goes with the flow to someone who leads because even in trying to be invisible my entire life I was not able to be invisible and now I have to just be who I was born to be and allow the natural progression of things to flow freely from my core without trying to contain it all in this bubble that I use as an excuse to hold myself back from being something greater that I could ever imagine.
You must be reading this and thinking what is she on and where can I get some!!! Hahaha, well it seems that today I broke through a layer of fear that has been holding me back and I have this feeling I should buckle up and brace myself because whats coming is going to be one hell of a ride! I’m gonna ride this wave confidently because I know who I am and theres just really no point in hiding myself anymore.
Thank you so much for being here, I absolutely love sharing myself with you and I really hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Live your life out of your bubble and keep pushing!