I love taking care of others. I love the feeling of loving other people through whatever it is that they need. It brings me joy to know that I am a source of safety to those that are close to me because they know that I will drop everything for them. I do this because I know how it feels to not have this in my my life. To feel like there is no one that you can count on and nobody you can trust with yourself. It’s always been in my nature to help those that need it. It’ s also in my nature not to have to brag about it. Most of the stuff I do will never come to light, because why should it? If I help someone its because I wanted to help someone and not because I am looking for recognition or validation from it. The validation comes in knowing that that person can now breathe and their lives have been made a little bit easier. No matter how small the assistance is.
I learnt a valuable lesson in my twenties. Never give what you cannot do without. Never give more than you can afford and never give with the expectation of getting it back. If you need to get that thing back that you are giving or borrowing, rather say no because the chances are it may never be returned. I learnt this lesson the hard way in borrowing people that I thought I could trust money that I needed at a later stage and of course it was never returned and I was stuck with paying a debt off that was not even mine to begin with. I blamed that person for the longest time for it. Until I learnt to let go of what had already been done and to move forward. Also to move forward wiser with a lesson that had been learnt. I didn’t allow this to harden me though. I realize that I am more a giver than a taker and I love to give.
It’ s never been easy for me to receive though. This is something that I have struggled with but as time passed I learned how to receive and I also realized that if I expected people to receive from me then I will need to learn to receive graciously from them. Because with giving comes receiving and in being able to receive you are able to give more.
I went through a phase when I totally disregarded myself and only lived for other people. I lived to please them, to make sure that I didn’t step out of line and to make sure I followed their rules. I’ve been free of this for a while now, but there are still times when I find myself cowering into conformity even when I know its not for me. I stay silent and let it be. But as I grow in self I realize that I can no longer live quietly. There is too much at stake in MY life and in the lives of my loved ones for me to just remain in line and follow the leader. I cannot follow the leader any longer and I cannot allow other people to control my life in any way shape or form. This is my current reality. I am unable to conform to the norms and standards that you require me to follow. I am my own person and I have my own mind, its not a mind that I can be silenced because its voice has already been heard and it will not be silenced by anyone or anything.
My thoughts are important too. My opinions matter and so do my beliefs and my ideas. I hear everything that everyone has to to say and I respect your information , in fact I appreciate your information BUT I have a voice too and my voice needs to be heard. What I have to say matters and what I have lived and experienced in this life is valuable. I will no longer be silent for the comfort of others. If my voice makes you uncomfortable then you need to sort that out with yourself because what I have to say will be heard and what I believe is just as important as what you believe. I will not have anything or anyone sit on my opinions and my essence will flow freely through the world.
I am important too , not only you and you and you.
Live your life loving who you are and acknowledging yourself too.