A puppet on a string

I have so much to say about being real, because fake just does not work for me! I recently expereinced this on a level of its own where a person that I spent some time with accepts zero BS and keeps it real 100% of the time living his own truth. If another person sucks up your energy, you have no reason to spend any time with them and no need to even explain why. Keeping in mind you may come accross as a total douchebag in the process, but there is a point in all of this. Why do we allow other people so much power in our lives? With regards to the decisions we make, why do we allow our families and friends to guilt us into things that we are not happy with, or into being people that we are unhappy with. As long as they are happy we keep following their lead.

I cannot imagine living my life free from the words and coersions of other people, and that is so sad, because it’s all I know. It’s like it’s been engraved in my being, that other people will say something if you do this and that. After 39 years of living this way my eyes have been opened by the most unlikely person. But fortunately for me, once I see a thing , I cant unsee it, I have to do everything to understand it, to change it if its wrong and to fix it if its broken in me. I’ve been better in the last 3 years, I have been doing more of me and I have made some major changes in my life FOR ME. But I didn’t realise the extent of my need to please other people. The amount of pain I allow them to cause me so I can avoid an awkward situation or so I can avoid hurting their feelings. It’s amazing how in all these years my feelings were pushed aside for the comfort and apporoval of others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete pushover, the people that get this right with me are the people that found their way into my heart, not just any random people. I dont like dissapointing the people I love. But what kind of a life will I live if I keep doing whats right for them and ignore whats right for me?

I have to shed this weight of their expectation from my core and allow myself to be unapologetically me. Will this make me a bad person? No, because I know that I have goodness in me, will this make people angry? Yes! Because they will not be able to manipulate me as much as they used to. It’s time for me to cut the emotional ties I hold to people that control me and call it love. The real test will be, do you still love me even when I dont live up to YOUR expectations. I know that in the end I HAVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR THOSE THAT I HOLD DEAR, THE QUESTION IS… ARE THE FEELINGS MUTUAL? Or am I just a puppet on a string living my life being controlled by other peoples wishes???

Keeping it real.

Live your life in truth.

Tammy

Tamstame.com
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