I don’t want to blend in any more, I used to make it my mission to never stand out in a crowd. This was tough considering I’m taller than the average female and bigger built too. I never understood as a child why I hated attention, I just did. I fully understand now that when you mirror what you are taught its not a matter of understanding, just doing what you know.
I hated birthdays because well everyone fussed, deep down I was confused because, well, everyone only really started fussing when I was a teenager, my friends were all birthday celebrators and I wasn’t used to all the fussing. My family was never big on birthday bashes or fussing. Don’t get me wrong, birthdays were always acknowledged with a cake, and maybe 2 of the neighbors would come and sing and blow candles, but it was never a fuss, with lots of attention and parties and gifts. As a teenager my friends would always fuss, I remember on my 16th birthday I found a huge beautiful bouquet of flowers on my desk. My bestie had come to school early to have them surprise me. Not to mention the surprise party that was thrown for me too after hours. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of everything, I didn’t know how to react, it was tear jerking, confusing, panicking and at the same time beautiful for me. It made me want to open up more, it made me want to show love more, it made me want to do everything I tried my best to keep inside most of my life. Eventually I got used to some people fussing and it became the norm for me to celebrate.
I’m going to add that I do not hate my birthdays anymore. Through the love and celebration of my friends and family over many years, I have embraced celebrating life, not only my life but the lives of all the people I care about too. I was not a birthday present giver either, mostly because I didn’t really do the present thing in my own home. It was never a requirement for me… But oh how times have changed! Birthday month has been born , celebrating the month of my birth, not to mention birthday week! So much celebrating in February. That insecure little girl has blossomed into a birthday celebrating Queen and has found the value in celebrating life! When you lose a life close to you, its never the same again. Taking people for granted is no longer an option, taking yourself for granted is no longer an option. The time to celebrate the lives of our loved ones is now, while they breathe. Send flowers now! Buy Gifts now! Make memories now! Because you don’t want to only realize the value of a life when you lose it.
I wrote this piece because obviously its my birthday month. I wanted to share with the world how precious life is and that we need to learn to value the lives of EVERY human being not just some. I am so grateful that I get to wake up another day, because there are many that did not. I am so grateful that I get to celebrate another birthday month, because so many of my loved ones do not get to celebrate anymore. So hello February! I look forward to celebrating the lives of so many this month including my own.
Live you life in celebration!
Written by: Tammy – Lynn Murphy