He said, she said, I said

He said I should stop being so hard on myself and relax a little… Just some friendly advice. She said the same thing just 2 days before! They must have something on me! They see something in me that I am clearly missing, these fears of mine that creep to the surface every once in a while not allowing me to hide from those I’ve allowed in. He says the nicest things…because his nice, not because he has to or because its a requirement, but because it just needs to be said and because kindness is free. She keeps it real because its the only way she knows and that tell it like it is kinda thing is exactly what I need in the people I surround myself with.

I’ve come a long way from where I was 10 years ago. I can almost say I’m a completely different person. Its been a roller coaster of ups and downs, tears and laughter, quiet and loud, calm and crazy. I’ve done the work, I have so much more to offer. I surround myself with people that lift me up and inspire me to be better and to do better. People that wish for me to fly! The journey is never ending, the learning is never ending and the way forward is always a continuous road of conscious living and thinking for each and every day will bring different challenges for me to face. I have found myself, I have learnt to embrace who I am and I have learned to love myself.

Yet in the midst of all my layers of progress, sometimes I feel like I’m winning and then all of a sudden it feels like I’m losing again. Controlling the feelings seems to be my greatest task at this point, not to let emotions run away with me. Not to try and hide my true self anymore, but vulnerability really is a scary thing. To trust wholeheartedly that you will be received and respected, when your past has taught you otherwise. To live with knowledge but struggle to apply it. I want to, I really do… but this leap of faith in myself truly is one that could have the opposite outcome to what I hope for. Yet doesn’t everything worth having or doing come with risk? What is life if we don’t take the risks we need to take in order to evolve and grow in all aspects. 

I wish it was easier to be on this path that I’ve chosen, I really do, but its not easy. In fact it takes so much work and effort to change bad habits, to change old patterns of thought, to master the art of being true to you. To master the art of life, to find the path specifically for you and to allow the maker of your being to see to all your needs and provide you with all your strength when it appears that you have run out. Its important to understand that this journey never stops, if you stop doing the work you will fall behind and have to start again. There is no rest from being you, and even though we try to escape, we try to hide ourselves it never ends well because this is not our nature. We are here to live not hide, to thrive not to survive, to teach and to help others grow in the process.

 She said everyone could see but me, I said “Sometimes I need to hear it from someone else to truly believe what I think I see”. She laughed and told me to stop trying to escape the truth. I’ll try, but I’m still a work in progress figuring out my way.

He said I should keep being me… I smiled because who else could I possibly be 🙂

Live your life just being you.

Follow your own path

Written by: Tammy Murphy

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