Challenging myself

For as long as I can remember I have always set small challenges to remind myself that I am in control of everything I do. I never really had intentions of growth and exploration to change back then, but more control. I wanted to always be in control, which was a good thing in a way and saved me from my destructive self.

Due to the cards I was dealt, I spiraled out of control as a teen and in my early twenties. Yet in the midst of the chaos, I would catch myself and say, “Hey, you are out of control!” and I would just stop, dead in my tracks and not touch alcohol for months, or not go clubbing until I felt in control again. Somehow though, I always went back in moderation… until I spiraled again and I would need to pull myself back… again. My friends called me a control freak, some even felt I was somewhat OCD. I didn’t relate to any of it because it was just in my nature to reign myself back in if I was too far out, and boy did I get far out sometimes … to the point of losing myself. The good thing is, getting back on track is something within my reach.

Two years ago I stopped smoking. It took me a long time to get to that point but I did the work and I finally got to that point of calling myself a non smoker. I would like to share with you that journey in my new Weekly Wednesday Challenge series, where I am going to share with you the things I chose to challenge myself with and the challenges that I faced in the midst of my choices, like the weight I have gained since not smoking , the choices of food I used to replace my habit and the consequences of those choices.

I am now at a point that I have to challenge myself to get back to healthy as I am overweight and unhealthy. My overactive thyroid condition requires me to take medication that is making me gain weight along with the bad eating habits and little to almost non existent exercise routine. 2 years ago I had reached my goal weight and only 2 years later I am 17 kg’s heavier than that weight. I can say I chose one thing over the other (eating over smoking), but I cant use that excuse any more as I have just created yet another bad habit to overcome in eating unhealthy food.

It’s a conversation that has come up way too much for me to ignore. Its something that too many people are battling for me to keep to myself. If my intention is to grow myself, then I am going to take as many people as I can with me on my journey in the hope that they too find it in themselves to make the changes that they need to make within themselves.

I am dedicating this series to my friends and family who are not afraid to challenge me when I need to be challenged, and to the ones who are by my side, running the race of life with me. I have only a few that I allow in my personal space and I am truly blessed with a group of supportive, present and real souls in my corner. Thank you for suggesting that I share my journey with others to help them with these same struggles.

Live your life in health and happiness, do the work!

Change isn’t easy and you can’t do everthing at once!

Written by: Tammy – Lynn Murphy

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