Alone but not lonely

I strive to be the best version of myself always. Sometimes I win, but sometimes I fail. Its not in the winning spaces where my growth occurs, its in those times where I feel that I’ve lost. In those moments where defeat tries to overwhelm me with negative whispers and seeds of ‘you will never be enough’. These are my defining moments of growth and understanding, these are the times I learn the most about myself.

This weekend I was defeated by the reality of a situation I told myself I can control. But I failed to allow myself enough time in which to learn skills from within  in order to control my weakness. In my defeat I retreated, not because of fear, but because I knew that I have to remove myself to regroup, re-asses and try to fill in the gaps using different strategies.

You see, you cant give up just because of one failure, you cant give up because one person made you feel less than you should actually feel,  but you can allow yourself the time and the space to breath and to process the information in order to move past it or to handle it better next time. For me its time to understand that just because I feel alone sometimes doesn’t mean I am alone. Its in the process of detaching myself from negativity where I find myself out of my comfort zone of people cushioning my every move. Where I have to now cushion my own falls and rely on myself to bounce back. Only allowing positive forces to influence my decision making. This is a battle that only I can fight for myself, nobody can do this for me. Once you allow other people to fight battles for you then you are releasing your power to them, you are allowing them to take from you the inner strength that is actually yours. Although a support system is important because we all need someone to lean on, its also vital that we learn to stand on our own 2 feet and conquer the challenges that we face, using the skills and power  provided to us that lies inside of every one. Don’t become comfortable in the warmth of someone else’s sweat and tears, work hard for what you have and be proud of your achievements no matter how small. This is a lesson that I have had to learn the hard way.

Be grateful for all the positive people that surround you , and be grateful for all the negative people around you, because both play vital roles in your self discovery and growth. In order for me to personally reach my true potential I need both sides to push me however they see fit, allowing me to learn how to be more self aware and not allow external experiences to affect the peace rooted inside of me.


Written by: Tammy Murphy


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