A question that once meant, “what’s your phone number?” Of course if you were wise you wouldn’t just give it to any Tom Dick or Harry. In this current time, I found that when asked what’s your number it could also mean your “number” as in “how many men have you slept with?” Or do you even have a number? I don’t know which is worse tho, is it the assumption that you have the right to know how many men I’ve slept with before you? Or that you assume that there have been so many that we wouldn’t even know the number?
Firstly, putting pressure on a woman to answer this question truly is one of the most disrespectful things you could do to her. Assuming that whether she says 2 or 20 your reaction will still be one of annoyance that she has been with someone besides you. I mean what’s YOUR number dude? Care to share? Or do you even have a number?
I was asked this question in a jokey, not so serious way not so long ago and I laughed because I knew that even though he didn’t require an answer he was watching my body language, my response to determine if this made me uncomfortable or not. I of course am not uncomfortable with who I am and what I have done? But I bring this up not because I was offended; I was not, I bring it up because I remember a time when this question would have killed me both on the inside and out and I would not have been able to hide how I felt about it? I bring it up for all the other women who will be crushed by this question! For me and for many others, do I include the molestation as a number or do I include the guy that decided I was his to take at 15 even though I didn’t want to? So if I had never been with anyone willingly and someone asked me what’s my number? Would it be 2? Or would it be zero? Please help me to understand how questioning a women’s number in any way helps you to judge what kind of person she is? What about the child who’s father decided he would sleep with her or the one who’s brother tried and experimented on her? Although this is not me, I have met women who have this story! My question is; what does she say to you? The arrogant person that has the audacity to question this, the male who is questioning her worth based on her number. If she was gang raped by 10 men? Does this make her number 10? Even though she didn’t want it to be? What does she say to you?
This world has become a place where our children are being raped abused and molested, and then judged because of their reaction to these things. Please, before you ask that question, consider maybe that her worth is not in the amount of men that she has slept with but in her heart; in how fiercely she loves, in how the fire in her eyes burns for life, for love and for peace. Don’t stir in her an emotion that even if she wanted to take back she could not, instead embrace her for who she is now and for what she stands for today.
To all the women in the world who have not had the easiest lives and have had to make sacrifices for survival, for those that were taken advantage of, for those women who are fighting to overcome their past and to grow into better and brighter human beings. to those who have never been hurt and are still in tact. to every woman out there whether you are a virgin or have been with 200 men and all in between. your worth is not based on anything that you may or may not have done in your past. Your worth is based on who you are now, today! If you feel that you need to heal and grow then you heal yourself and you grow. Dont let another person take away you worth, or tell you that you are nothing. I don’t care who they think they are; you are a beautiful creation, born to be a bright light in this world , you deserve all your hearts desires and you are worth more than what your mind and heart can perceive.
You are loved and you are cherished! you are here! Be a force in this world to be reckoned with. Hold you head up high and walk your path as best you can. Dont let anybody tell you that you can’t because you can! You are alive and you have breath in your body, you can be anything you put your heart to if you work at it every day and take a small step each day!
Written By: Tammy Murphy